- What Show? -
Fashion week approached and I missed all of my shows. Who doesn't miss their shows now, though? It was the new trend just a year ago. It wasn't about going, it was about getting invited and then going to sleep right before the show. I didn't want to toot my own horn, but I was definitely one of the top trendsetters for redefining what it meant to be fashionably late. But now I am flipping over a new leaf after 43 years of missing every show. Literally 43 years. Try to Google me with any season of any designer's name and you won't see me there at the show. It's not because I wasn't invited, but it's because I was sleeping. I dreamt of nights spent rehearsing for the Too Funky video, picking out noses with Michael Jackson, and glass houses with heated marble floors and french doors.
But in an attempt to become a new person, I began the rebirth process by using all of my student refund checks to fly out to Lady Gaga's garbage can where her pod from the Grammy Awards has sat for five years now. I climbed into the garbage can and sat there for six months and catched up on, "I'm sorry I couldn't make it, I had to insert excuse" emails. Of course I was met with automatic responses of, "OUT OF THE OFFICE TO WORK ON MY AESTHETIC, I'll get back to you soon. xoxo Ashley". It was fine, I understood that Fall was coming and Ashley was currently transitioning into her new gendery identity: Pumpkin Spice.
After taking a power nap on a bed of ArtPop era wigs, I climbed out of the trash can just in time for Gucci to show at Fashion Week. I didn't have any money for a plane ticket, so I shipped myself as a light stand and now I'm sitting front row at Gucci for my grand return.